Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dealing with High Conflict People Tip #2 Part A

We try to give practical advice whenever we can. From our It's All Your Fault Book, I've included part of Tip #2 here (I'll add the other part--its rather long--next week). We hope you find this helpful.

In terms of giving feedback to an HCP, our advice is to never give them negative feed back. Here's why, the cycle of high conflict thinking maintains and escalates conflict with three steps (two steps are here):

1. The Cycle of High Conflict Thinking maintains and escalates conflict with three
Step 1: The HCP’s Mistaken Assessment of Danger (M.A.D.)
Step 2: The HCP’s Behavior that’s Aggressively Defensive (B.A.D.)
Step 3: Your Negative Feedback (N.F.)

2. HCPs’ Mistaken Assessment of Danger is based on their frequent high-conflict
thinking, which everyone has occasionally. But HCPs believe these thoughts are
true and act on them without checking for accuracy, including:
• All-or-Nothing Thinking
• Jumping to Conclusions
• Personalization
• Emotional Reasoning
• Mind Reading
• Wishful Thinking
• Tunnel Vision
• Exaggerated Fears
• Projecting
• Splitting

We'd love to hear your feedback.

Have you ever had to deal with a High Conflict Person at Work

Or in business? You know the type. The person who always has an excuse and blames everyone else. The very aggressive or super emotional co-worker or boss. May be you were married to a HCP and had a very contentious divorce and child custody battle. If so, I want to hear from you. Tell me your experience and how you handled the HCPs.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am the adult child of an HCP (father). I am also an attorney and spent a particularly unhappy 2011 dealing with two high conflict personalities (one was a client; one an opposing party). After vowing to figure out a better way to manage these people in 2012, I stumbled upon your book "High Conflict People." As a result of the insight and advice you give in your book, I have undergone a paradigm shift in terms of how I deal with HCP's. As a direct result, my stress level has gone way down and I really do sleep better now! Thank you for writing your book.