Wednesday, February 1, 2012



Sonoran Dweller said...

I have sole custody of my 17 year old. I allowed her to move in with her father with the intention of giving her a break from a visitation schedule with her dad that had her moving every few days. It has backfired. She is ruining her grade point average as a Junior, risking her college entrances. She is a very smart student, whom I've intentionally made sure has had the best education possible in our community.

Her dad constantly calls me crazy, criticizes me to her and to me in front of her. He has often interfered with my parenting and he recently had his fiancee break up with him.

He blamed our daughter for the break up. I was "crazy" enough to ask his ex-fiancee what were the causes of their break up? She told me he treated our daughter like his wife, sister, mother, child and that she could not handle his lack of support and lack of adult handling. She also confirmed his bad mouthing me to my daughter and his belief that he had to get involved in my parenting and 'rescue' my daughter.

My daughter has said she hates this woman and now hates me. I believe it is due to her father's deep seated issues crossing over into all around him.

She has threatened to never speak to me again and more. Given that she will be 18 in 6 months, I don't think I have a chance to get her back to where she was academically or on good terms with me given what I am forced to deal with.

Do courts recognize such conflict and make changes this late in the game of raising a child?

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Eddy and High Conflict institute,
It was suggested to me by a counselor to get a copy of your book "Don't Alienate the Kids!". I was seeing this therapist voluntarily to help me to deal with the constant difficulties associated with earnestly attempting to co parent with an ex who was making accusations of abuse by me of the children and was using the kids in the back channels to bolster his claims. He started a legal fight with me by using the Ex Parte order and I won the Counterclaim argument one week later when I was able to answer his frivolous claims. The damage was already done to our minor child who was brought to court to testify against me and he already had behavioral issues but they have gotten much worse with the shared parenting arrangement we have been following for over two years. The sharing of adult information by dad with the children is obsessive and the system has failed to recognize it. The Custody Evaluator made no mention of his bringing a minor to court to testify against me and the GAL was completely unaware of this. The system is completely lost with respect to how to deal with his constant claims that I am a bad parent. I see a failure here of family court professionals (including my own lawyer, therapists for me and the children as ex refused therapy, Guardian Ad Litem, and Custody evaluator). My last hope in the legal system is litigation to finally be heard and to speak for the kids. It has occurred to me that in addition to dealing with a misguided ex, I am dealing with a misguided adversarial system where professional collegiality and money is way more important than the well being of children.
I have only hope to offer to anyone dealing with a dysfunctional ex and dysfunctional system. And to encourage you to hold on and don't settle. You are not alone. Your kids mean the world to you and you have to fight for their right to live free of actions that put them in the middle and to be able to love you back.